Give your desires permission

What do you really want? It’s a question that can often leave us blank or paralysed with fear. So let’s start in the arena of sexuality. What are your hidden desires? If you were allowed to, what would you explore? If there were no limits, who would you be sexually?

Why are you scared?

Because of the wall of fear in the way, many of us can’t feel what we want or don’t dare pursuing our desires. What is this fear about? For me, it’s been a fear of being judged, being told I’m ‘wrong’, or being rejected. These are familiar points of pain for me and have played out in several arenas in my life. Fortunately, ISIS has given me a pathway to ‘de-charge’ these a lot and see their real cause so they no longer unconsciously govern my behaviour.

Acknowledge invisible pressures

In addition to personal fears, you can’t ignore the power of both societal and family values in restricting or even repressing your desires. Take some time to look at the messages you’re fed on a daily basis by the world around you. The more objective you can be about these messages, the less they have a hold on you. Write them out. You can then choose yourself whether having a rich, fulfilling and adventurous sex life, makes you a ‘slut’, ‘selfish’ or ‘immoral’, or whether it actually makes you feel empowered, alive and generous.

Being powerful

powerful-beyond-measureAfter digging into these personal and imposed limitations, you may find that beneath all this lies a fear of being full, of being complete, of being great.
As Marianne Williamson says,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Drop neuroses

From my experience, pursuing what I want has become so much more than fulfilling my desires or ticking off a list.

The biggest and most unexpected reward has been the dropping of a global level of neurosis.

Things I once worried incessantly about, a sense of lack, an underlying angst that used to weigh me down – just gone. This has freed up so much more energy for me to do what I really want, bigger wantings – like serving others.

Changing your orientation to allow yourself what you want, both sexually and beyond, lets you become less fixated on what you don’t have. Instead of looking outside yourself, envying others, or resenting your own situation, you will feel grounded, satisfied and full – more generous, abundant and able to give to others.

Own your wantings

allowing desiresAn important point on desires – they are not going to go away. If you deny them, or are in a relationship where they are not accepted, they will find a way to come out that is likely to be inappropriate and hurtful to others.

These desires are yours and you need to own them, make friends with them. There is nothing to be ashamed of, no matter how wild or quirky they are. Get them on your side. There is so much life force within them – don’t waste it!

Sexual desires are not separate from life force, will, your energy levels, zest for life, creativity, capacity for joy, ability to give.

It’s all Life – just channelled and expressed in different ways.

Take little steps

That being said, it can be daunting switching from a guilt/denial/shame perspective of our desires, to an embracing, go-for-it approach. So take little steps in a safe context and you’ll notice how with each step you free up a bit so that soon you’re riding a momentum. Show and explore your desires with people or in situations you know they’ll be accepted.

Talk about it

I have several clients whose sexual energy has become so stuck and repressed it’s causing havoc in various areas of their lives. In addition to ISIS sessions which allow them to open to this sexual energy in an embodied way, Inner Freedom Coaching can help a lot too. Talking about your desires with someone who you know won’t judge you, can start to release a lot of the tension held around them. We can then also discuss together different ways in which you could embrace them more in your life.

What about you?

I’d love to hear your experiences of denying or embracing your desires. What obstacles have you overcome to become friends with your sexual wantings? If you are looking for help in this area, please don’t hesitate to contact me for a free consultation. You are not expected to do this alone.

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