Why can’t I work it out myself?

In the first of this series on Inner Work, let’s take a look at why it’s so difficult to become unstuck on your own. Let me tell you, I tried unsuccessfully for years to try and work out why I was unhappy even though I had so much, and why I kept playing out the same relationship dynamics that were clearly not good for me.

It didn’t seem to matter how much I analysed myself, I couldn’t work it out. What I hadn’t realised was that I was trying to resolve my issues from the wrong standpoint.

Essentially I was within the mess of my unconscious emotional patterns trying to resolve my unconscious emotional patterns.

Not going to work.

Changing standpoint

Conscious & Unconscious MindOne of the strengths about ISIS as a therapeutic technique is it takes place in a deeper, meditation-like space which allows you to see much more about your inner workings.

Clients often tell me that other talking-therapies cleaned up their symptoms so they felt better for a bit, but they didn’t get to the root of the issue so the mess was back again soon enough.

The direction in ISIS is to move your awareness out of your ordinary thoughts into a deeper state of consciousness where you can access your feelings more directly and gain a more expansive and clear vision of your emotional patterns and their cause. This change of standpoint is so essential to move beyond a superficial level to where the problem really exists – which may currently be hidden or unconscious.

Hidden depths

I once had a female client who was very capable, intelligent and successful, yet she’d often been told she was cold and guarded. She didn’t disagree with this reflection. Instead, she felt isolated and frustrated as she didn’t know how to reach out or why she was guarded in the first place.

Working together in ISIS, we saw how she’d been extremely close to her father when she was very young, but he had closed off to her before leaving the family when she was about 5. The moment this happened landed her in a painful and deep sense of rejection that she couldn’t process at the time. So instead she’d ‘toughened up’ – essentially closed down and got on with things on her own.

cute_little_girl_happy-wideHelping her tangibly reconnect with herself before this moment, allowed this woman to feel how open, warm and loving she’d been – and essentially IS. She saw how these qualities had gotten buried under the hurt which led to the shut down. Each perceived rejection following this early event only served to strengthen the wall she’d built between herself and the world.

It took several sessions for her to open to the hurt of the rejection so it could be healed, and to feel safe to melt down this barrier that did not serve her. Reconnecting with the essential qualities she exuded as a child gave her a deeply-rooted confidence to be herself and open to others again.

Getting perspective

It’s difficult to see things in yourself – have you noticed, in comparison, how easy it is to see other people’s issues! ;) It can also be challenging to see things clearly when an emotional charge involved. Gaining the perspective of a therapist or coach can go a long way to helping you resolve an issue.

After working with clients for over 12 years, I’ve seen a lot and am equipped to deal with a vast range of issues. At the same time, I am completely present and attuned to your unique self and what you need.

We all need help

I feel so sad to hear of people carrying around buried trauma or difficulty all their lives. This not only causes them so much pain – emotionally and often physically – but holds them back from being who they are and doing what they love. It really doesn’t need to be this way. You’re not expected to do this alone.

Being human is messy, complicated and challenging. Things can happen – from the seemingly trivial to the horrific – that impact you deeply, but they don’t need to cripple you for life.

There are tools to move through and heal from even the greatest of traumas. And you can always reach out for help – it is never, never too late.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me for a free consultation.

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