Falling in love: one of the greatest and most profound experiences you can have in my opinion. It may not happen more than once in someone’s lifetime, but it can be life-changing.

Apart from the opening to love and rush of hormones, why is it so profound?

In my experience at least, it can be the closest we come to the divine or to higher aspects of our selves that may normally be out of reach.

Closing the gap

Even as an experienced meditator for the past 15 years, when I’m not doing practices, I still often feel the world here and spiritual realms above as separate. Falling in love is an exception to this.

forestWhen I fall in love, I can be walking through a forest with my beloved and feel immersed in spiritual presence. I kiss them or even gaze in their eyes, and Love as a mighty spiritual force pours through me into them. Sometimes when making love during this special time, we are blasted into massive states of consciousness normally only reached during deep long-term meditation.

It’s like the gap between spiritual realms and the world is so much less, almost non existent.  And it feels magical, like anything could happen.

Righting the wound

Why is this? There is a particular energetic chemistry that happens when you fall in love that facilitates a state of opening and receptivity you might not normally be able to access.

There is also something that happens deep in the heart. As human beings, we all carry an energetic ‘wound’ – a feeling of being separate from the divine – even if we don’t ever directly experience this. When we fall in love, this apparent emptiness close to the core of our being is temporarily filled.

We experience what it used to be like when we remembered our spiritual nature, when we knew we were inseparable from the divine or the wider Creation.

A temporary grace

girl in whiteAs we all know though, falling in love is a phase, not a sustained way of being. Such a shame. That’s not to say that being in love is not a state you can cultivate, but for most of us, it’s a temporary grace that occurs toward the start of a relationship.

I often see it as akin to the beginning of life. When we are babies and children, we’re still largely immersed in the light from where we came, we’re still in contact with our spiritual fullness. It’s not until we go through puberty, or experience a trauma when young, that our emotional scars become apparent, our limitations and sense of being separate come to the fore and taint our world.

Stuff gets in the way

It’s a bit like this with intimate relationships. During the falling in love phase, opening is natural, and even if there are disagreements or misunderstandings, they don’t stick and are easily resolved.

But a year or 10 down the track, and your stuff has well and truly come up and got in the way and unhealthy patterns may have formed. There may still be a lot of love there, but the struggle, challenges or blocks are too.

The loss when it changes

How to navigate these challenges or prevent these patterns from sticking is a whole other blog post (or three). But how can you stay open as the falling in love phase ends or gets cut short by being physically separated, for instance?

It can be devastating when the love bubble pops or you can’t, for whatever reason, be with your beloved as much as you’d like. Your body of energy and the depths of your heart have had a taste of what it feels like to be complete, to be full, and suddenly not having this can feel like a painful ripping and great loss in contrast.

How to stay open

imagesThis can be a difficult time to remain open through, but it’s essential, not just for the success of the relationship but for your own growth and well being. When you fall in love, the openings and reconnections with deep parts of yourself are so precious.

Bringing the focus back to you and these parts of yourself is one way to ‘own’ the experience so it’s not entirely dependent on another person or external circumstance. By opening your being to another person, you are also opening to spiritual presence – and this remains even if circumstances change with the person you’ve fallen in love with. Practising devotion and letting these intimate parts of you be held at this time can make a huge difference.

Putting yourself first

Staying centred in yourself and present with your own experience can allow you to move through difficult transitions and sets your relationship up for a more healthy basis. One in which you are each grounded in yourselves rather than orientated towards each other, expecting certain things from each other, or dependent on the other to feel a certain way.

Putting yourself first may be the last thing you feel like doing at this time, but it won’t lessen the affection between you and your beloved. Instead, it will mean that more of You is present to relate with intimately as the relationship progresses past the initial falling in love phase.


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6 replies
  1. paula stevenson
    paula stevenson says:

    I find it interesting that we use the term ‘falling’, intimating a lack of control over what is happening; like ‘falling pregnant’ as well.Your posts are really well thought through and enlightening.

  2. Emma Swan
    Emma Swan says:

    I agree, it is interesting we use the word ‘falling’. My experience is that I do have little control when I’m falling in love – the complete surrender is one of the sweetest bits for me – but it doesn’t necessarily feel like falling, more like rising in fact! Thanks for your appreciation.


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