What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be on earth and be divine?

Unravelling back to innocence

So much of this spiritual journey on earth seems to be a stripping back, a removing of layers of conditioning, beliefs and world views that are not yours. A return to a state of innocence, as you were as a young child – when you didn’t try to be anyone, or question who you were.

You just were, you. Yourself. And you knew your divinity. You knew you were part of a wider Creation. There was no question. There was a natural shining of Spirit.

It’s really so simple, yet so involved to disentangle from the myriad complications that keep you away from being in this Truth.

The wound of separation

Yet your journey is also a unique one in that you are incarnated on earth, not high in spiritual realms. You are human. And each of us carry a wound from the apparent separation suffered from the divine. The original heartbreak. So much of your neuroses and defence mechanisms are built around not feeling this wound, yet it is undeniable and at the depth of each of our hearts.

If felt at its naked core, free from the stories and complications which surround it, the wound is a profound experience. A gateway to this original state of oneness with the divine.

Superior art of not knowing

waiting-momenst-become-nothingIn my case at least, this means letting go of all the things I think I know and am so certain about, to a state of not knowing – at least not in the same way. The knowing at this deeper level is so quiet and subtle, it’s really the knowing inherent in the creation – as opposed to the ideas I impose on the world and my place in it.

There is something so profound and private about getting to this place where it’s just you and the divine, face to face. And it can take a while to get there.

Distractions from the real work

In my experience, in a spiritual school or tradition there can be so many distractions. Roles and accolades, achievements and initiations. Being an instructor or a teacher, becoming certified – all of these things are distractions away from what the real work is about.

The box of identity

And yet they can be so tempting. There is perhaps nothing more terrifying than losing your identity, the place you have rested all your life, the world view and beliefs that define you and give you a sense of who you are. It is so much more preferable as this identity crumbles and at times, rips apart – to grab onto another ‘more enlightened’ one. The ‘spiritual student’, the ‘yogi’, the ‘practitioner’, the ‘instructor’.

But really this is just trading one dirty box for a cleaner, lighter box. It’s still a box! And therefore not who
you truly are.

uncertainty2Taking the plunge to really know who you are can be terrifying. And as with many things on a spiritual path, it usually takes things to get worse before they get better.

Feeling lost

So it’s likely you’ll go through phases of feeling like you have no idea who you are, when you feel like nothing, insubstantial, a piece of dust. When the danger of getting lost for lifetimes seems extreme. It’s disorientating, disempowering and not pretty.

But it’s true, this dissolution process. It’s an honourable albeit an uncomfortable one. For not until the structures of the personality have been dismantled, the skewed beliefs and overall world view been turned upside down, can the light of the Spirit really be revealed and shine on its own accord.

The irresistible call of your Spirit

sunlightThis journey to a true experience and embodiment of You may seem like an arduous and painful one at times. But experiencing an increasing closeness to the light of your Spirit makes it not only worthwhile but irresistible.

Once you’ve had a glimpse of who you really are, why would you go back to the mechanistic facade?


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2 replies
  1. Charlotte
    Charlotte says:

    Wow, exceptional timing. This struggle has been overwhelming me lately.

    At one level the letting go feels very natural. I feel free in the growing realisation that I don’t have to be defined by anything.

    But then I get disconcerted without a stable platform of self. It challenges my ability to connect with others as I don’t know what’s real; can’t deliver neat explanations that the other can make sense of. I don’t trust who I think I am because I continue to prove to myself that something I previously thought to be “me” is not.

    I have no clear idea on an intellectual level what model of reality is real. I get tied up in knots puzzling out who I am after I work through everything that’s not true. Sometimes a theory makes sense, sometimes I feel like I experience my true nature, but I don’t truly *know* what’s left once the false self is stripped away. My body seems to be physically reacting as the transition literally shakes me up. Woken in the night by vibrations, spasms in my belly, all sorts of energetic experiences for which I lack adequate vocabulary.

    I was feeling like lack of clarity was a failure, something to be worked through. I didn’t appreciate it could lead to a place of more not-knowing.

    Then last week I started to fully feel into the not-knowing. Embracing uncertainty instead of skipping over to doing something about it. After a low point a few days ago, I emerged into a beautiful spontaneous state for a couple of days. The world felt at once different and familiar.

    Now, having felt the peace of that space, my mind seems seem to be grasping at the value of not knowing! I haven’t emerged into a truly not-knowing space; instead I feel like I’ve backed away from the gate into a safe haven of explanations.

    Any advice?

    • Emma Swan
      Emma Swan says:

      Hi Charlotte, wow thanks for sharing your experience with such eloquent detail, you really pass the space of it vividly. It sounds like you’re on a good track in terms of fully feeling into the not-knowing. And as you point out, it is only too tempting for the mind to grasp onto even this state. Grrr.
      In my experience, it takes time and phases of going in and out of such states for them to stabilise or for me to be in them at will. Often having an energetic reference or standpoint can help with this process. If you’d like help, I would be happy to do some work with you in this line. Feel free to contact me via my site and thanks again for sharing your experience.


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