Receive what you want

What would it be like to be a queen or king for the night and receive exactly what you want, when and for how long – no questions asked?

Well this post is about exactly that, as inspired by a practice I learnt at at Tantra workshop a number of years ago.

Get in touch with your desires

So what do you need? Firstly, an openness to get in touch with your desires, then, simply set aside a few hours with a lover or even a close friend (if the requests aren’t going to be sexual). One person takes the role or king or queen, the other is their servant (minion, slave, whatever name suits your fancy!).

Ask specifically for what you want

The basic idea of the practice is that the queen or king can ask their servant for whatever they desire and if it is within reason (asking them to fly you to the Bahamas probably isn’t), they provide it. One of the best things is if – as the queen/king – you are done with your lover kissing you all over your body and want something different, you can stop them mid-action without an explanation and ask for something else.

Inhabit the role

queen 2The key to making this practice work is to treat it like a practice – set the space, turn off your phone and computer, make sure you have fruits, chocolate and other foods, goodies or body oils that your king/queen may request.

And most importantly, take on the role, get into character. The king or queen needn’t apologize or even ask – they simply state, for instance, ‘now I want you to… whisper in my ear how beautiful I am’. The servant on the other hand really needs to wear a mask of neutrality as much as possible, put aside their own personality and wantings for the time being. You are there to serve, and it’s an honor to do so.

Surprise yourself with your requests

If you are doing this with a friend, your requests may range from a shoulder massage, to putting on a bath with essential oils, or feeding you fruit dipped in chocolate. With a lover, the requests can also be of a more sexual and intimate nature.

What surprises me each time I do this practice, that the fulfilled requests that move me most are not the ones I would necessarily expect. The last time I was queen, I was almost in tears when my servant, on my request, ran their fingers through my hair and described poetically how beautiful it was. I had never realised how much I wanted my hair to be appreciated so explicitly and lovingly!

queen 1Desires you didn’t know you had

This practice is powerful in many ways. Whether you do it with a good friend or lover, it is a great way to connect with desires you may not have even known you had. Take as much time as you need to go inside and feel what you want in the moment. Stating what you want and knowing you will receive it can not only be incredibly liberating and fulfilling, but deconstruct ideas you may have about not being able to get what we want.

Stop or adjust as you wish

Taking the practice on a sexual level brings a whole range of other potential benefits. How many times are you in the middle of some kind of sexual activity with your partner, and in your head you’re thinking, ‘ok, I’m done, I want something else’, or ‘I wish he/she would do it a bit more like this’ but you don’t say anything, you just lie there, waiting, hoping…

Break long-term habits

Well this practice is a chance to change these dynamics and try out being completely honest and transparent in the moment. It can also break long term patterns you may have become entrenched in with your partner. I remember the first time I did this practice, I told my ‘servant’ I’d had enough of him going down on me, and he was surprised when I then asked for a massage because previously this had signalled that I was ready for coitus. He was a bit surprised and even disappointed, but I was getting exactly what I wanted and breaking long-term habits at the same time!

Clear roles of receiving or giving

It is also extremely powerful in a sexual relationship to have phases when the focus in totally on one person, without the unsaid need to pleasure the other person afterwards. Having clearly defined roles – receiver and giver – for a set period of time can allow you both to go so much deeper. The receiver or queen/king, can just completely let go, receive and enjoy without worrying about what the other might want or need. The giver or servant, can completely gear into the other and enjoy pleasuring them in exactly the way they want.


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